My coach and mentor Jesus de la Garza taught me something essential that I keep learning over and over: stay humble and don’t take yourself too seriously.
A few weeks ago, someone challenged one of my workshop exercises. We’d just finished a session on listening, and during the break, a man in his fifties approached me. “This doesn’t work in the real world,” he said dismissively, crossing his arms.
I felt heat rush to my face. My hands tensed at my sides. Every instinct wanted to defend my work, to explain why he was wrong, to list all the companies and teams where this exercise had created breakthroughs. My heart was pounding. My vision actually blurred slightly.
I took a breath. Then another. I waited until the heat in my face subsided and my body relaxed slightly before responding.
“Tell me more,” I said. “What specifically doesn’t work for you?”
It turned out he had tried a similar exercise in his organization and it had backfired badly. The concept was sound, but the timing and setup hadn’t been right. His team wasn’t ready. The trust wasn’t there yet. Once he explained his experience, I could hear his wisdom instead of just his criticism.
My father taught me to question everything and everyone when I was young. It was dangerous advice in Soviet Ukraine, where questioning could get you in serious trouble. But it gave me something invaluable – the ability to see disagreement as information rather than attack.
I practice this daily. I still mess up constantly.
Ram Dass said, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” I live with my Ukrainian parents, my French husband Arthur, and our three kids. We have dinner together every night.
Last week, my teenage son rolled his eyes at something I said during dinner. My stomach tightened. I wanted to lecture him about respect.
Instead, I paused and asked myself what I was missing, then stayed curious about what was really happening for him.
He told me he’d had a terrible day at school – failed a test he’d studied hard for, got into an argument with his best friend. I listened and we connected.
Looking back, the man who challenged my exercise wasn’t being difficult. He was bringing real experience from trying something that hadn’t worked. My son rolling his eyes wasn’t being disrespectful. He’d just had a terrible day and didn’t know how to talk about it yet.
When the relationship matters, when the work matters, when something bigger than your ego is at stake – not taking disagreement personally becomes essential.
I still feel the heat in my face when someone challenges me. I still sometimes speak up when I should have let something go, or stay silent when I should have found my voice. But I keep coming back to what Jesus taught me: stay humble, don’t take yourself too seriously. Pause. Get curious. Stay present. Creating that space is how you actually hear what someone is telling you.
I’d love to hear from you. Please comment with your own experiences, share your stories with me, and send your questions so that we can explore them together next time.
I’m Anna Lecat, researcher and author of Loving Conflict. You can find more of my work at annalecat.com