“We are opposites in everything,” he said. “Social backgrounds, lifestyle, politics. If we had met at a dinner party, we probably would not have become friends.”
They have been business partners for 25 years.
Let me back up.
I had asked him the question I ask everyone in my research: can you stay connected to someone you deeply disagree with on fundamental values?
He laughed. “We have almost nothing in common when it comes to how we see and appreciate life,” he said. “If we had met at a dinner party, we probably would not have become friends.”
And yet they have been running businesses together for a quarter of a century. He told me he would not want anyone else as a partner.
I asked him how it works. What holds them together when they disagree on so much?
Two things, he said. The first is that business comes first for both of them. They enjoy working together and they do it well. That shared purpose acts as a floor beneath every disagreement. No matter how far apart they are on politics or lifestyle, they always come back to the work.
The second is how they disagree. Both of them have calm, measured personalities. When they debate topics outside of business, and they debate often, they do it with what he called “serenity and respect.” They choose their words carefully. They check their facts and sources. They listen well. They strongly disagree, and then they move on.
“We never end up truly offending each other,” he said. “Because we both share the value of measured, calm debate.”
I have been thinking about that phrase. They disagree on values, but they share a value about how to disagree.
In my Loving Conflict workshops, I have watched people who agree on nearly everything fall apart over the one topic where they differ, because no one ever established how to handle the tension. These business partners have it reversed. They agree on almost nothing in life, and they agree completely on how to treat each other when they disagree.
I asked him at the end of our conversation if their differences ever threaten the partnership. He looked at me as if the question were strange.
“Why would they? We know how to talk to each other. That is enough.”
This story is from my book Loving Conflict: Creating Collaboration Where Others See Division, an Amazon Best Seller and #1 New Release in Business Conflict Resolution & Mediation. annalecat.com/book